We’ve got some more environmental case news for you today. You know, on the morning show, we’ve asked many times, usually in jest, what an environmentalist does for fun. Well, I’d like to vary that question just a bit and ask if an environmentalist ever finds anything that people do that’s right. I base my question on the latest global warming news out of, where else, San Francisco, the nation’s loony bin.

In the city by the gay, uh, bay, the Bay Area Air Quality Management District is holding public hearings on home fireplaces to see if they contribute to global warming. Of course, you really don’t expect any scientific findings to be brought up in this but here’s what they want to investigate. They want to find out if fireplaces release carbon dioxide into the air and add to the global warming so-called crisis. And, if they do, then ban fireplaces in homes.

Well, there’s a new one. Fireplaces cause global warming. Is there anything that doesn’t to hear the environmental cases tell it? I’m beginning to wonder. Fire, since the days of the caveman, has produced heat to keep us warm in the winter. At one time, fire was all we had to produce heat. If that’s the case, why is it that it’s only been since the phony baloney global warming scare that it’s being mentioned?

If fireplaces cause global warming, as long as we’ve been using them, shouldn’t the earth be warm enough by now so that we wouldn’t need them? But here’s a scientific fact. Sorry to throw any facts in on your environmental arguments, tree huggers, but I couldn’t resist. Fireplaces produce smoke. Enough smoke and you produce somewhat of a cloud cover. And it’s been proven that clouds actually reduce the temperature of the air.

Witness the Krakatoa volcanic explosion of 1883. It was one of the largest blasts in recorded history, causing worldwide cloud covers. And because of it, we almost didn’t have a summer that year. So if you want to combat global warming, shouldn’t you be ENCOURAGING people to use their fireplaces? This is just more environmentalist malarkey from a group of kooks.

So this winter, when the temperature drops to about ten below, don’t you think we could use some good old-fashioned global warming? But, hold on here. If using fireplaces all these years is a cause of global warming, then how did it get to be ten below to start with?

Al Gore and the environmental crazies like him all say that man is destroying the earth. Well, that’s not important anymore. There are bigger fish to fry. According to two professors of cosmology, man may be destroying the entire universe. I bet you didn’t know we were that powerful, did you? Global warming is nothing compared to destroying the entire universe. So how are we bringing about this destruction?

Well, according to Professor Lawrence Krauss of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland and Professor James Dent of Vanderbilt University in Nashville, we’ve pronounced a death sentence on the universe…by looking at it. That’s right. We’re destroying the universe by looking at it, observing it. Is this a put on? Apparently, these two professors are serious.

According to an article in New Scientist Magazine, astronomers may have accidentally nudged the universe closer to its end by observing something called dark energy. Dark energy is the anti-gravity force that scientists believe is what causes the universe to expand, something it IS doing and we’ve known that for years.

But now comes the startling news that just by observing it, we’ve somehow upset the balance of the universe and caused it to revert to an earlier, less balanced state and thereby reduced its life expectancy. And, just think, we did all this damage just by OBSERVING the universe. The two professors don’t say HOW observing the universe shortens its life but one thing’s for certain.

If this is true, then it’s Bush’s fault. Forget global warming. We’ve got universal disruption to deal with. These companies that make all these sophisticated pieces of astronomical equipment are getting rich while they’re destroying the universe. Somebody call Nancy Pelosi and see if they can’t be taxed at a higher rate. Folks, universal disruption is settled science. And it’s caused by man’s dark energy footprint.

But, take heart, all is not lost. To reduce man’s lethal dark energy footprint, I am going to save the entire universe from destruction. Presenting, the dark energy observation offsets. This will make up for any damage done to the university by astronomers watching things in space. You send me $150, and I will send you…a blindfold. That way you won’t be able to observe anything and the universe can continue to expand and thrive.

So to help save the universe, just send $150 cash, check, or money order to Gullible, Box 1179, Gillette, Wyoming 82717. VISA and MasterCard also accepted.

There seems to be a new catch-phrase in political circles today. And it’s not a new phrase at all. It’s been around I suppose as long as there have been languages. The phrase is “shut up”. How many times have you heard somebody say that? But it’s usually not said in the allegedly polite world of political discourse. In political discourse, it’s only implied, never said openly, until recently. But the gloves have come off and “shut up” is new IN phrase.

The King of Spain, Juan Carlos, has won widespread praise in his country for telling little tubby two-shoes communist dictator of Venezuela Hugo Chavez to shut up. This followed Chavez’s repeated references to former Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar as a “fascist” at the Ibero-American summit meeting in Spain.. That caused the current Prime Minister of Spain, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zaptero to urge Chavez to show a little respect.

That’s where the king jumped in. He put it a little more forcefully when he said to Chavez, “why don’t you just shut up? ” Well, that must have offended Chavez and hurt his feelings. Awww, poor baby. So his closest ally in Latin America, another leftist slimeball, Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, decided to take up for his tubby little buddy by accusing the Spanish embassy in Nicaragua of interfering in local politics.

That was enough for the king. He got up and stormed out of the meeting, something that’s never been done before at one of those conferences. And Spanish television played the tape of the incident over and over and most were on the king’s side. I can’t say as I blame them. Hugo Chavez, aside from being a Fidel Castro wannabe, is just a rude little psychopath who wants to be totalitarian dictator of Venezuela for life.

Remember a year or so ago when he spoke at the United Nations the day after President Bush had spoken in the same room and said he could still smell the burning brimstone, implying that Bush was Satan? It’s about time somebody told that little dufus to shut up and now somebody has. Good for you, your majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain. That was a refreshing, much needed comment that hopefully will start a trend.

I think I’d like to do my part to get it going right now. Who do I pick? That’s a tough one because there are so many who richly deserve it. Okay, let me start with this one.

Hillary, shut up.

Well, folks, guess who the latest person is to come into the cross hairs of the Food Police? It’s that jolly old elf, Santa Claus. That’s right, boys and girls, Santa has been told to drop a few pounds before Christmas this year because, according a shopping center in England, he presents a bad example of letting yourself go and getting fat.

In fact, the bosses at the Bluewater Shopping Center in Kent, England, are marching all the recruits who want to play Santa this year off to a gym for a Santa boot camp. Fiona Campbell-Reilly, a spokeswoman for the shopping center said, “Santa has been around for years but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect these changes.”

So I guess that means no more pie and cake for Santa, like kids have been leaving out for him for years. Oh, no, that would mean that Santa would only put back on the pounds he lost while he was at boot camp, shedding all that ugly fat. Dr. Charmaine Griffiths, a spokeswoman for the British Heart Association, said, “The boot camp encourages people to get a bit more active. I think it’s a great idea.” Obviously, she’s a woman with not much to do.

Well, just add another name to the list of people who have declared war on Christmas and anything associated with it. You know, I don’t know how to tell these people that Santa Claus is an imaginary character. He’s been around for centuries in various incarnations such as Pere Noel in France, which is Father Christmas. He’s been St. Nicholas and he’s had other names which I don’t recall right off.

But the common thing in all of them, he’s been a fat, jolly guy. Come on, you people, lighten up. If you want to send somebody to boot camp where they’ll lose some weight, maybe you should call Rosie O’Donnell, or Ted Kennedy, or Al Gore. Now there are some people who could stand to lose some weight and who aren’t jolly. The cause of this hysteria is a report that says by 2050, half of England will be obese.

But Santa’s been around for hundreds of years. Is he really to blame for a future phenomenon? Well, you’ve got to have a scapegoat for everything I suppose. But who do you blame the rest of the year? So, kids, this year, after you’re fast asleep Christmas eve with visions of celery sticks dancing in your head, don’t forget to leave Santa a nice dish of bean sprouts as a thank you treat.

And next year, listen for Santa, instead of going "Ho Ho Ho," to change it to “Bah, humbug.”

I’m all but certain that Alfred Nobel, the man whose name bears a series of prizes, is probably whirling in his grave over the awarding of the peace prize to Al Gore. And can you blame him? In recent years, the prize, which was given to the individual or groups who did the most to bring peace to the world, has been awarded to such peace makers as Yassir Arafat, one of the bloodiest terrorists in the Middle East.

And now, it’s been awarded to a pathological liar, a socialist, a hypocrite, and a Chicken Little climate alarmist named Al Gore. Now, remember, this is the Nobel PEACE Prize we’re talking about here. Okay, folks, can anybody name me anything, anything at all, that Al Gore has done to bring peace to the world? I didn’t think so and the reason for that is that there isn’t anything he’s done to bring peace to the world, nada, zilch, zero.

He made that science fiction movie, a crocumentary called “An Inconvenient Truth” that was supposedly what won him the Nobel PEACE Prize because it raised awareness of global warming. But that movie has more errors than an infielder with a concrete glove. For example, he claims that melting polar ice caused by man-induced global warming is causing low lying Pacific Islands to be evacuated.

Yet there’s no evidence anywhere of any kind of evacuation. He claims that global warming caused Hurricane Katrina and it’s getting worse. Does that explain why there were no hurricanes hit the continent the following year and we’re below average this year on the number? He says polar bears are drowning in great numbers swimming long distances to look for food because the polar ice is melting.

But only four polar bears were found drowned and that was from a storm. And the list goes on. I don’t have time to go over them all but it just proves what a hoax and a fraud Al Gore is. And yet, he wins the Nobel Peace Prize, once a prestigious award which has degenerated into nothing more than a sick joke with a political agenda, a definitely leftist political agenda.

Just cross them off the list of things with real merit if they think Al Gore is anything but a stumble-bum alarmist for a phony cause. But the prize he’s awarded is $1.5 million. That’s right, $1.5 million. That ought to at least put a dent into Al’s power bill at that electricity guzzling mausoleum he lives in in Tennessee. And maybe he can buy a new gas hog limousine to ride around in.

And maybe charter a few flights in those carbon producing private jets he goes everywhere in. To reward a hypocrite like that is just plain insanity.

We have a global warming alarmist Chicken Little update for you today. It appears that more and more scientists are coming forward with evidence debunking the manmade global warming hoax despite Al Gore’s statement from his perch on Mount Olympus that says his ideas are settled science. Well, that’s Al and we all know he’s a few feathers short of a full chicken. But the latest comes from University of Southern California geologist Lowell Stott.

As you may recall, we’ve asked several times what caused the ice to melt in ending the last ice age since there were capitalists in their SUV’s burning fossil fuel to heat up the atmosphere. Well, Professor Stott has an idea. He says it wasn’t carbon dioxide that did it. He says deep sea temperatures rose 1,300 years ago as a natural phenomenon and it’s been going in cycles of warming and cooling since the oceans have been around.

In fact, he says this natural warming caused the greenhouse gasses to increase, which is completely the opposite of what Al Gore and the rest of the environmental cases think. Stott reached his conclusions after studying a sediment core in the western Pacific and fossilized surface dwelling and bottom dwelling organisms.

The organisms incorporated different isotopes of oxygen into their shells depending on the temperature, this enabling scientists to reconstruct ocean temperatures over time. Stott says, if carbon dioxide caused global warming, surface temperatures would increase before sea temperatures. But he found that the ocean water began warming 1,300 years ago. He says it’s a lot more complex than Al Gore and the environmental kooks think.

He says you have to look at history and trace how the climate has changed over the eons of time before you can even begin to understand what it’s doing now and what it’ll be doing in the future. He says, “You can no longer argue that carbon dioxide caused the end of the ice age. ” So there’s another reputable scientist who disputes Al Gore’s muddled thinking. And they’re lining up with evidence that shows the environmental movement is just an alarmist crock.

Oh, the temperatures may be going up but it’s been warming and cooling for millions of years. And if Al Gore really wants to find an inconvenient truth, let him think about that for a while. By the way, speaking of Al, with all this evidence to the contrary of what he says, why hasn’t he offered some rebuttal based in scientific fact? The closest thing we have on earth to manmade global warming is the hot air from the environmental movement.

Do you folks know who James Hansen is? He’s the global warming alarmist in chief who works for NASA and says that the Bush administration is suppressing all so-called evidence of global warming and the administration has a personal vendetta against him for saying global warming is real. Of course, what Hansen doesn’t tell you is that he was quite active in the campaign of American traitor John Kerry when Kerry ran for president in 2004.

But that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. What I want to do is point out something very unusual about Hansen. Okay, let’s go back 36 years to an article that was published in the Washington Post in 1971. In their July 9th, 1971 edition, the Post ran an article headlined “U.N. Scientist Sees New Ice Age Coming.”

It told of a prediction by NASA and Columbia University scientist S. I. Rasool that the burning of fossil fuels by mankind would put so much dust in the atmosphere that it would diminish the amount of sunlight the earth receives and the temperatures would be about six degrees cooler. And the Post reported, “aiding Dr. Rasool’s research is a computer program developed by Columbia research associate James Hansen.

Hansen said, “there’s no need to worry about the carbon dioxide that fuel burning puts in the atmosphere. ” Hello? Calling Al Gore. Wasn’t this settled science back then, too? Well, now, we have Mr. Hansen closely aligning himself with Al Gore in predicting gloom and doom from global warming. Oh, yes, suddenly the carbon dioxide suddenly seems to matter. This science doesn’t sound quite so settled, does it?

And that’s not all the egg on Hansen’s face. He concocted some global temperature projections for the next fifty years which showed we’re in mortal danger from global warming. Forget global cooling. The watch phrase is now global warming. Well, something interesting happened on the way to Hansen’s global warming, settled-science conclusions.

It turns out there was a major mathematical error in his calculations and the truth it turns out was that the hottest year of the 20th Century wasn’t 1998…but 1934. Well, what have we here? What we have is ever mounting proof of the fraud that is the environmental movement. Today, it’s global warming. Yesterday, it was global cooling.

In the meantime, the mindless followers of this massive hoax worship at the throne of whatever Chicken Little can squawk the loudest. People like Hansen, Al Gore, and the rest of those snake oil salesmen should be exposed for what they are, confidence men who should be in jail for running major scams the way they dupe the not-too-bright and selling them carbon offsets.

I think I’ve found a way to completely discredited the global warming crowd. Once a month, have a Live Earth concert at various places all over the world. If Saturday’s Al Gore production was any indicator, the movement will be completely dead by the time cold weather gets here. And you just can’t hold an outdoor concert to warn people about global warming when it’s snowing now, can you? Folks, did any of you see any of the Live Earth productions from around the world Saturday?

I have to admit, I didn’t. All of the NBC owned networks were showing them at one time or another but somehow I missed them. Apparently, I didn’t miss too much. The reviews said the shows were underwhelming. Never mind that the performers traveled nearly a quarter of a million miles all totaled in fossil-fuel-burning jets to get to wherever they were supposed to be performing and each stage used enough power to light ten large homes just for lighting.

Never mind that each act had its own entourage of technicians and lackeys who also burned fossil fuel to get there. That’s beside the point. The point is that today’s rock generation just doesn’t care. They didn’t come out to see their favorite rock stars perform and get preached at. Okay, Live Aid and Farm Aid were successes. And there’s a reason. Live Aid was to help stamp out world hunger and Farm Aid was to help the family farmer survive. Those were tangible causes. You could show proof of what was being attempted.

But Live Earth was just an idea. And one that was completely wrong at that. But right or wrong, it was just selling an idea. And the only people buying were the environmental cases and some big egos who know how to play a guitar. The rest of the people? It was just a mega-rock concert, that’s all. Hey, dude, let’s party! So, in essence, Al Gore and his troupe of environmental cases who put this fiasco on should have learned a lesson from this.

But did they? I don’t think so. Al will continue to preach his one-note sermon and liberals will be shouting amen. This was supposed to be the biggest event in rock music history, bigger even that Woodstock in the ‘60’s. But it wasn’t. There was no sizzle, just fizzle. Next time, Al, I suggest you have a bake sale or raffle off an environmentally friendly bicycle or something. At least, most of your audience will be paying closer attention.

This meeting of the “man is responsible for global warming” skeptics club will now come to order. First, I have an announcement to make. We had booked a speaker for today’s meeting who claims he has indisputable evidence that global warming caused by man is a fact. Unfortunately, he will not be able to be with us today because he was snowed in in a June snow storm in Sweden.

Well, so much for his credibility. You know, we have incident after incident of documented occurrences that directly contradict all the global warming falderal. Now, a man named Reid Bryson, who is known as the father of scientific climatology, has called the global warming scare a bunch of “hooey”. Bryson is professor emeritus of climate studies at the University of Wisconsin and he says “there’s no doubt the earth is warming because we’re coming out of a Little Ice Age and you’d expect temperatures to go up on their own.”

He admits that man is polluting the air and adding carbon dioxide to the environment but he says it’s a barely measurable amount. He says the environmental movement has no scientific evidence to back up its claims, just raw emotion and scare tactics. He says that reporters will often call the university meteorology department and some student will answer the phone and say that he or she is a meteorologist and it gets reported in the media as “scientists say.”

And he says—and rightly so—that the environmental movement has become a religion. He says you have to believe in man-made global warming or you’re considered nuts. And there are other problems with the global warming crowd. Last year, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said that 2006 was the warmest on record, proof, they say, of global warming. They cite data from over 1200 rural weather stations but it turns out that some of the temperature measuring devices were placed on hot concrete.

One of them, in Tahoe, California, was right next to a drum where trash was being burned. One in Forest Grove, Oregon was only 10 feet from an air conditioning exhaust vent. But the global warming alarmists just keep harping away at their supposed scientific basis for their conclusions even though the revised statistics for 2006 show it was the coolest year in a decade. So what does this tell you? It should tell you that the man-made global warming scare is the most elaborate hoax ever perpetrated.

Okay, class, let’s come to order here and let me read you from an essay that some fourth graders did at East End Community School in Portland, Maine. It’s about global warming and it sounds awfully familiar. No, their teacher isn’t Al Gore but it’s understandable if you thought so after hearing what these kids have to say. I quote from the essay:

“We want everyone to help curb global warming. It truly means that the Earth is getting warmer. The ocean is warming at such an alarming rate that the continents are in danger. Such a warming is fuel for more severe hurricanes such as Katrina. Katrina was only a Category 1 storm when it crossed Florida. It became a monster storm by feeding off the warm water in the Gulf of Mexico.

"The United States is the leading contributor to global warming, producing one-third of all greenhouses gases in the world, more than South America, Africa, Asia, and Australia combined. Have you ever wondered what life might be like in 50 to 100 years? Imagine huge cities and skyscrapers underwater. That’s what life will be like if we keep burning fossil fuels. We will be in great danger if we don’t get this problem in the minds of all people and curb the unchecked growth of greenhouse gas emissions.

"It’s our future the nation is playing with. We encourage everyone to take action and stop global warming.”

As I said, does that sound familiar? It should because it’s the same tripe the environmental cases have been crying wolf about. And, come on, these are fourth graders, ten and eleven years old. You don’t think they figured this theory out all by themselves, do you? Somebody, namely the global warming alarmists in the school system brainwashed them into thinking this way.

And in this indoctrination that these kids regurgitate so well, did they hear any of the true facts about global warming, that it might be a naturally occurring cycle or there might be temperature variations on the sun or that the other planets where no people are and there aren’t any fossil fuels being burned are also experiencing a warming trend.

And you know liberals are behind this malarkey these kids are swearing is gospel because they’re quick to blame America for its use of fossil fuels. America is always the villain, even if the problem is imaginary. So if your kids come home, spouting the same falderal, tell them to save up their allowance money…and buy some carbon offsets.

[MUSIC: “Smoke, Smoke, Smoke That Cigarette”]

I want to share something with you about this friend I had once in Ohio. Smoking in their home was forbidden…unless it was marijuana. Then it was okay. The reason I mention that is because we have some smoking news out of Amsterdam, Holland today. The Dutch have a smoking ban that’s going to go into effect next year for all restaurants, including coffee houses. Now, a lot of smoking goes on in coffee houses in Holland.

But it’s not smoking as you might think. In the coffee houses there, you can buy marijuana to smoke on the premises. It’s legal. Now, this is where the rub comes in. Most people who use marijuana…SMOKE it to get high. And the government says it won’t make any exceptions to the rules for the coffee houses which do quite a business with the cannabis trade.

Now, if you think the bars in Cheyenne and Laramie are going to lose business, think about the coffee house operators in Amsterdam. You can get a cup of coffee anywhere so that’s definitely going to affect their business. Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende said, “Employees should not have to work in an environment where they’re constantly exposed to the risks of second hand smoke.”

Wait a minute. This is a country where smoking marijuana is legal and they have live sex shows on stage and prostitution is legal and you could catch AIDS and he’s worried about second hand smoke? Does this make any sense at all? So just outlaw tobacco. That’s the villain, according to his line of thinking. Come to think of it, here in America, the Nicotine Nazis are strangely quiet about second hand MARIJUANA smoke.

And that takes me back to my friend in Ohio. No second hand cigarette smoke but pass that joint now. I contend that if there were no such thing as tobacco and we still had marijuana, there wouldn’t be any of this flap about second hand smoke anywhere. At least we wouldn’t have the Nicotine Nazis. But we’d still have the food police, complaining about all the people getting fat from eating all those Twinkies and potato chips.

Folks, we have a global warming update for you and, no, it’s not about the exhaust fumes of automobiles or airplanes or factory smoke stacks. No, this is about the exhaust fumes of cattle. This is becoming a big concern in Europe. In fact, the European Union has issued a declaration demanding changes in cattle diets so the herds won’t pass as much gas and that’s what they say leads to global warming. Somebody call Al Gore. Does he know about this scientific breakthrough?

According to the learned scientists in Europe, cow flatulence is a greater threat to life on Earth than cars or planes. Al should be able to relate because his theory of man made global warming you might have stepped in if you’ve spent much time in a cow pasture. Meanwhile, the global warming bandwagon continues to roll. House Speaker Comrade Nancy Pelosi says “global warming is one of humanity’s greatest challenges. ”

And what are the Democrats doing to save all of humanity? Well, one thing they COULD do is shut up because I’m sure they have enough hot air to warm even the coldest of planets.

But the Democrats are working on legislation to address global warming and they expect to unveil their proposals by July 4th. She says the government must set an example by reducing the size of its “carbon footprint. ” And she’ll take it up with the Democrat presidential candidates the minute their private jets bring them back off the campaign trail. Wait a minute. July 4th? Congress won’t even be in session July 4th. They’ll all be out of town and Nancy will have taken her private jet back to San Francisco for the 4th.

Oh, well, we’ll still have Al Gore to remind us. That’s about the time Assenine Al will be putting on his environmental Woodstock all over the world. It’ll be a festival of sex, drugs, global warming, and rock and roll.

Oh, and speaking of Al, guess who’s really impressed with his global warming scenario of gloom and doom? Ban Ki-moon, the new secretary general of the United Nations. He says Al has sent a very powerful political message to the world on global warming. Al, quick, sell this guy some carbon offsets. You’ve got a live one here.

Look, even if what Al says is true, the last people you’d want on your side would be the United Nations. They serve the same function as a screen door on a submarine.

Well, folks, that’s the latest from the global warming front. Now, do you see why we call them environmental cases?

Earlier today when I was looking through news stories to prepare for our three-minute segment in the afternoon, I had a ton of stories about global warming. The problem was that we’ve done most of them on the morning show here on KIML. But then I ran across this one. Folks, if you had any doubt that the environmental fruit cakes were a bunch of space cadets, this should put those doubts to rest.

There’s a man in Canada by the name of Paul Hellyer. He’s 83 years old now and back in the early ‘60’s he was Canada’s defense minister. But he’s surfaced again in the news with the most unusual way yet to combat this global warming, which is falling in depths measured in feet around the country. He’s demanding—not asking, demanding—that governments worldwide use the secret space alien technology they’ve gotten from crashed UFO’s to combat global warming.

He says, “I would like to see what alien technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels and save our planet. He says this alien technology could offer humanity alternatives to fossil fuels and points to the supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 as the perfect example of technology governments have gotten from UFO’s and are hoarding in underground laboratories just like in Independence Day.

He says, “We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know and it might be enough to save our planet if it’s applied quickly enough. ” Mr. Hellyer wants governments to go where no man has gone before and spill the beans—no, wait, that was a bad choice of words because beans produce flatulence and that only adds to the greenhouse gases. Cattle have proven that.

He wants governments to share in this highly advanced technology of these beings from somewhere else in the universe to reduce global warming. Oh, after Mr. Hellyer’s years of service to the Canadian government, he said publicly two years ago that he saw a UFO. Somebody get Art Bell on the phone. Tell him we’ve got a guest for him. This is right up his alley. Well, that’s the latest from a highly qualified scientist on how to solve the global warming situation. You get the governments of the world to divulge the secrets they’ve found in crashed UFO’s and that’ll solve the problem.

Uh, beam me up, Scotty, there’s no intelligent life here.

Well, here we go again. How many times have I warned you that political correctness would be the death of us all? Frankly, I’ve lost count of the number of times but it’s something that can’t be said enough. Here’s the latest example of what I’ve been talking about.

Some internal memos have come to light recently from, of all people, the Department of Homeland SECURITY. And when you hear what they say, you’ll have to wonder just how concerned about our security they are. Homeland Security Director Casper Milquetoast, uh, Michael Chertoff issued memos telling department officials below him on the food chain not to call Islamic terrorists “terrorists” and called for them to respect Islam as a “religion of peace. ” That would be great…if that were true…but it’s not.

Who flew those planes into the World Trade Center, the Kiwanis Club? Who beheaded American prisoners in Iraq, The Girl Scouts? And which religion calls on its followers to kill the infidels after you’ve lied to them, the Billy Graham Crusade? And what religion counts among its followers Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, The Ayatollah Cockamamie, Mahmoud Achmadinejead, and other homicidal psychopaths, the Presbyterians?

Michael Chertoff is just plain dumb if he thinks these satanic demons will be nice to us if we don’t offend them. Whether we offend them or not is completely beside the point. They want to kill us! And the odd part of it is that we, as the potential victims, deny it when THEY DON’T. And George W. Bush isn’t much better. He fell right over when the Council on American-Islamic Relations complained when he used the word terrorist once describing the foiled attack on jet liners last summer crossing the Atlantic.

The solution? Fire Michael Chertoff right now. Give him thirty minutes to clean out his office and get somebody in that job who loves America more than political correctness. Get somebody in there who’ll defend America and not try to kiss rancid butts of these killers with spiritual rabies. Let them know in no uncertain terms what we think of them, that we know who they are and who they’re representing and if they want a jihad, a religious war, tell them our God can and will beat up their god.

With Chertoff’s head where it is right now, how long do you think it’s been since he’s seen the sun shine?