Folks, I thought we’d end the week on a lighter note and, in case you missed them, bring you some of the winners of the Darwin Awards. These are presented to people who have shown deep intellect and solid judgment in unusual circumstances and, of course, are named after Charles Darwin, the father of the theory of evolution. Well, if man did indeed spring from monkeys, these people didn’t spring quite far enough. 

Our first honoree is a robber who’d make Jesse James proud. He went into a Louisiana convenience store, put a twenty-dollar bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun and asked for all the cash in the register. He took the cash and fled, leaving the $20 bill behind. Oh, the amount he got in the robbery? $15. 

Our second bright light is the purse snatcher in New York who made off with a woman’s purse as she was coming out of a store. The clerk called 911 and the woman was able to give a detailed description of the thief. Within minutes, he was caught and driven back to the scene of the crime. He was told to stand there for a positive ID by the woman. When he saw the victim, he said, “Yes, officer, that’s the woman I stole the purse from. ” 

Our next golden dunce cap goes to a man in Arkansas who wanted some beer and obviously didn’t have the money to pay for it. So he decided he’d just throw a cinder block through the window of the liquor store, grab some beer and run. So he lifted the block over his head and heaved it toward the window. The window was Plexiglas and it bounced back, hitting the would be thief in the head and knocking him unconscious. I wonder if he was conscious to begin with. 

But our big winner of the Darwin award goes to a man in Long Beach, California who tried to fire his .38-caliber pistol at an intended victim during a hold up attempt. The pistol didn’t fire. So what did he do? He looked down the barrel of the gun to see why it didn’t go off. And he pulled the trigger again. This time the gun worked. 

Well, there you have the latest winners of the Darwin Awards. Each winner receives a golden dunce cap, the last award presented posthumously, and have also received another honor signifying their quick thinking and high degree of intellect. They’ve each been named honorary liberals.

Okay, let me give you the time line here so you can put this into perspective. Back in November, the Democrats won enough seats in Congress, both in the House and the Senate, to take control away from the Republicans. At the time, the approval rating of Congress was abysmal, something like 26 percent, or only one out of every four Americans surveyed approved of the job they were doing. 

So usher in these knights on white stallions who were going to save Congress from being an object of scorn. Well, guess what happened. The new Congress was sworn in a little less than three months ago. And in that less than three months, the approval rating for Congress is in the tank with the Republicans. 

The latest Gallup poll shows that in the last month alone, the approval rate has dropped nine percentage points to 28 percent. And 64 percent, almost two out of three Americans surveyed, DISapproved of the job this new Congress is doing. So why is that? 

Well, the Gallup Organization tried to explain it away by saying it was tied to the Democrats’ inability to get anything done, the price of oil going up, the war still going on after they swore on a stack of Karl Marx books they would end it, and the fact that economic optimism was down everywhere and that took the Democrats with it. 

Hogwash!  The approval rating of Congress is down because the American people see this new regime for what it is, completely lost and with only one objective, to bring down the Bush administration. You folks should have seen that coming. They didn’t have a plan before the election and you really didn’t expect one to fall out of the sky on them, did you? 

The Democrats promised they would be leaders. Yet all they’ve been are reactors still full of nothing but hatred for George W. Bush and his whole administration. And while they hurl insult after insult at the President, what do the Republicans do? They just sit around and don’t do anything in response. So is it any wonder the American people feel the way they do? For the most part, the United States Congress is made up of liberals without a clue and Republicans who’ve gone catatonic.

And you have a president who’s trying to be so politically correct it’s almost embarrassing, not to mention that he’s trying to give the country away. With this sorry bunch, we’re not asking for it, we’re on our knees begging for it. 

And I think the American people want to know, when they look at Washington, “Who’s Minding The Store?”

Do I have to do the tobacco disclaimer before we start this? I do? What? If I don’t, some nicotine nazi will come down here and hit me over the head with a whiskey bottle? Oh, okay? “Mr. Norris in no way is approving of the use of tobacco in any form. Recent studies at the University of Bill medical school have shown beyond doubt that the use of tobacco will cause the left cheek of your butt to fall off.” 

(MUSIC: SMOKE, SMOKE, SMOKE THAT CIGARETTE BY WILLIE NELSON)

Okay, folks, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Nearly four years ago, when I started the morning show on KIML, I told you that we’d see a smoking ban proposed in Gillette. And many people scoffed when I said it. Well, it’s come to pass. A week from today, at 7 in the morning, the Gillette City Council will meet with some nicotine nazis, uh, non-smoking advocates to talk about a citywide ban on smoking in public places and in restaurants. 

And City Administrator Bret Jones says a smoking ban in Gillette has the potential to be a divisive issue. I wonder what gave him that idea. The make-smoking-a-capital-crime crowd will be there I’m sure with their manufactured research figures. I would say to the city council, let them talk but after they’ve done their talking, ask if the figures they’ve presented are verifiable and have they been proven scientifically. 

Otherwise, they’re going to try and run some things by you that are scientifically questionable, at best. Ask them to show you a scientifically objective report on second hand smoke done by a reputable scientific organization. If they try to use the EPA report, that’s already been disqualified as biased by two different medical schools, Johns Hopkins and the University of Chicago. 

But all those arguments aside, the question becomes: Does a government, any kind of government in America, have the right to tell a private business how to conduct their business? Why not let the marketplace decide? If everyone’s as gung-ho against smoking as a few zealots are, then wouldn’t they not frequent a place of business where smoking is allowed and that would show up on the bottom line? 

Do we really need more laws inspired by busybody control freaks about a product that is still legal? And what’s the next step for the control freaks? They sound like they’re first cousins of the environmentalists.

In the biggest show yet of the liberal principle of style over substance, the Democrats, who took over Congress in the last election are holding a circus tomorrow under the big top, the Capitol Dome. And those in attendance will read like a political who’s who of Democrats, environmental kooks, and presidential hopefuls. In other words, all Democrats will be there. 

And what is this history-making occasion? It’s none other than Al Gore, Mr. Global Warming himself, who’ll fill the capitol with hot air to prove there’s global warming when he testifies before congress to urge them to do something to stop his delusional prophecy of the destruction of the earth. 

Is it any wonder that Washington is sometimes known as Disneyland on the Potomac? Do you think there’ll be any pre-testimony tailgate parties in the parking lot? Weren’t you under the impression that this liberal Democrat group of Congress people had promised they were going to do something constructive once they got in office? 

Is this it, listening to a hypocrite who runs up a $1300 a month power bill for just one of his three homes tell us we’ve got to cut back? Is this it, listening to a man who says he buys carbon offsets to cancel out his energy consumption when he owns one of the companies selling these carbon offsets? 

Is this it, listening to a man who got a half million dollars in royalties from owners of zinc mines in Tennessee while the mines were dumping toxic waste into rivers on land he owns? Al, you’re supposed to lead by example, aren’t you? 

At any rate, the environmental cases have called tomorrow Climate Crisis Action Day and they’re going to hold a rally before he testifies. And to add to all this hot air, which could really cause global warming, several Democrats who want to be president will be there to worship at the shrine. 

Among them will be John Edwards, the pretty boy ambulance chasing personal injury lawyer who made a fortune sticking it to insurance companies and who lives quite lavishly, just like Al Gore. And Al’s going to show up with a mail bag he says contains 300,000 post cards of support he’s gotten in his crusade just since Christmas. That’s going to have to be a mighty big mail bag. 

I seriously doubt if it’s 300,000 anyway. But let’s not stop there. Are there going to be little vendor stands selling carbon offsets to people? Are we going to see little Al Gore bobble head dolls? Or maybe black velvet paintings of Al Gore in an Elvis jump suit? You know, anybody who takes Al Gore seriously is about two players short of a full team.
 

There’s another battle front on the horizon in the seemingly never ending fight between the environmental cases and normal people. While the war is going on between the BLM and the coal bed methane operators, now the Sierra Club has staked out new territory, the coal itself. 

Basin Electric Power Co-operative has applied for a state air quality permit to build a major coal-fired power generating plant using coal from the Dry Fork Mine. Well, needless to say, this going over with the Sierra Club like Rosie O’Donnell at a Donald Trump house party. 

Adam Rissien, who’s the associate regional representative of the Sierra Club in Sheridan said, “We’re opposed to any new coal plants, especially those old style, 19th century pulverized coal plants.”  So what does he prefer, 18th century dried buffalo chips? 

Besides, the state department of environmental quality has recommended that a permit be issued because this is one of those 21st century clean coal burning plants, one of the cleanest in the nation. It’ll be a 385 megawatt plant that’ll sell electricity to the nine states that are served by the cooperative. 

And the Department of Environmental Quality is taking public comments on its construction through March 28th. Folks, it might just do you well to send them a comment that you’re for it because the environmentalist motor mouths will be out in force to try and stop it. They’ll want to stop it because it violates two of their cardinal rules. 

First, it’s technological progress that’ll mean life will be more comfortable for people. And second, people will make money on it. Again, the environment doesn’t matter. The whole idea is to stop both technological and economic development and keep us living in the dark ages. And, of course, the environmental kooks would be the ruling class. 

Now, if I were in charge of Basin Electric, I’d make sure of one thing before I broke the first inch of ground to build it. If there’s a sage grouse within twenty miles in any direction, you’re going to have trouble. Just ask the coal bed methane people about that. And the Sierra Club has money to fight with. 

You were aware, weren’t you, that the EPA, the Environmentalist Political Agenda, the tree hugger’s answer to the secret police, gives them huge amounts of money each year to try and wreak havoc? Another example of your tax dollars at work. 

For over a week now, on the morning show, we’ve been trying to get to the bottom of what’s going on with the BLM ordering shutdowns of coal bed methane wells in the Powder River Basin. A week ago, when we had Glenn Wise from Dan Hart Patrol on the show to give the coal bed methane side of the story, we got a lot of calls from listeners, most of them angry at the environmentalist posture the government bureaucracy had taken in such a heavy handed manner. 

Oh, we had a few calls that leaned to the environmentalist side, but not many. Now, for a week, we’ve been trying to get a representative from the Buffalo Field Office on the show to answer questions from you and from me. 

Well, yesterday afternoon, I got a call from Lisa Brent, the Basin Radio news director, who informed me that she had finally been able to talk to somebody at the office after several unreturned phone calls. Lisa said they had an invitation if they wanted it to appear on my show. And their reaction? "The Steve Norris Show is not a forum we wish to participate in.” 

Okay, that’s their privilege. Nobody says they have to be on the show. But don’t you think with thousands of people laid off from work and their doing the cow patty sidestep to questions, that it would be in the best interest of their image in the public’s eyes to at least make an effort to repair that image? 

From their reaction, I can only surmise they’re afraid to for some reason. They’re afraid that they might get asked a question or two they’d have a hard time answering, given the way they’ve double talked over the whole thing. And I’m betting the questions would come from you. 

Look, I wouldn’t be trying to ambush them. I gave the coal bed methane people their chance to tell their side of the story. And while my sympathies are definitely with the well operators, I’d be fair and let them have their say. But apparently they don’t want that. 

So I can only assume from their actions that the reason they don’t want to be on the show is because you can only dance around a question for so long before people begin to suspect they’re being given a jive session and it would be even more obvious how arbitrary and dictatorial they are. And like most environmentalists, they don’t want to hear any disagreement.  

And we pay their salaries. That’s what’s really insulting about it. Folks, it’s just another example of your tax dollars at work.

A couple of items in the news today that are noteworthy. First, as you may know, on Capitol Hill, House Czarina Comrade Nancy Pelosi issued an edict (without a vote by the way) that banned smoking. However, this apparently doesn’t apply to her party because the National Democratic Club still allows smoking. 

And guess who’s dropping in for a smoke? Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio. You see, the Capitol Hill Club, where the Republicans go to booze and schmooze, can’t light up. Oh, they can still get trashed but they can’t light up. So Boehner goes over to the Democrat socializing spot to puff. 

And the Democrats are welcoming him in. Apparently, they’re having a good old time. But the fact that Nancy’s ruling from on high exempts her own party has to tell you something about the leadership of the Democrats and how nit picky spiteful they are. But I can’t say I’m surprised. The Democrats are more interested in sticking it to the Republicans than they are the well being of the country. So what we’re getting from them is “second hand socialism”. 

Now, we have border protection news that ought to make you sleep soundly tonight. The Department of Homeland Insecurity was having a drill the other day, a drill where they intercepted hundreds of imaginary criminal aliens trying to sneak into the country in South Florida from the Caribbean. 

Well, while this precision-timed drill was going on, right under their noses, two boatloads of REAL Cubans sneaked ashore…at Miami Beach. Miami Beach…in March…with tourists there. One boat dropped off 21 Cubans at a nudist beach while another dropped off 19 more at another beach a few hours later while the Department of Homeland Insecurity was going through its “keep America safe” exercise. 

The official name of the exercise was “Operation Vigilant Sentry.”  It involved 325 agents from 85 federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies in anticipation of a possible mass migration from the Caribbean in the near future. They were able to stop all the imaginary criminal aliens, of course. But the real ones were landing AT MIAMI BEACH and the boats that brought them got away as well. 

Sleep well, America. Isn’t it good to know that the Department of Homeland Insecurity is on the job, protecting us from imaginary criminal aliens? Would you say it’s a fair statement that this latter day version of the Keystone Kops couldn’t find a whale in a bathtub?

After the attacks of September 11, 2001, President Bush formed a new cabinet position called the Department of Homeland Security. It was supposed to consolidate federal law enforcement agencies under this one big government umbrella and protect us all. And it’s all been downhill since then.

Under the leadership of Casper Milquetoast, uh, Michael Chertoff, we’ve heard one thing one day and another thing the next. First we heard we need to start deporting these criminal aliens. The next day he told us how vital they were to the American economy and how we needed them. Then, you had the case of the two border guards who went to prison for trying to keep a drug smuggler from coming into the country.

And now, here’s the latest. The Department of Homeland SECURITY wants a policy of open borders. I don’t know how much more open they could be given that 12 million criminals are running loose in this country but they say the “open borders” program is a top priority and should be implemented to protect the privacy of our visitors. Well, that’s understandable. What terrorist DOESN’T want his privacy protected?

Folks, if this weren’t such a serious matter, this would be a joke. Chertoff says, “We want to have safe borders but open borders. ” So how does Mr. Get Tough On Terrorists propose to do it? He says, “by promoting an easier and a more welcoming flow of people into the United States. ” And this is the same guy who keeps sending out memos to the Department of Homeland Security saying that Islam is a religion of peace. Who’s pulling his strings?

Surely, SURELY, somebody who’d say we can make the borders more secure by opening them has to be somebody’s lap dummy. Not even bureaucrats can be that stupid. Or can they? That’s debatable but one thing’s certain. Chertoff has raised the stupidity bar to a new height if those are his thoughts. Chertoff has got to go. Replace him with somebody who knows what security really means and doesn’t care if he’s politically correct or not.

Our enemies aren’t so why should we be? So you step on a few toes. So? What’s your point? Which would you rather have, an America in one piece and strong and secure or an America minus two or three major cities because we opened our arms and welcomed those who want to destroy us?

President Bush, I believe the ball’s in your court.

Well, folks, guess what happened just this morning? Over in Buffalo, representatives and workers from the coal bed methane industry wanted to meet with the Bureau of Land Management. The industry wanted to talk about a recent tightening of bird regulations at drilling sites that have forced the shutting down of operations and the resulting layoffs of hundreds of workers.

Well, the workers showed up but the bureaucrats at the BLM didn’t. They were taking the day off. That’s right, they were taking the day off…with pay. And I don’t think I have to tell you where their paychecks come from. On my morning show, we were flooded with calls from people who were, shall we say, angry. No, they weren’t angry. They were mad as hell over this.

And out of all the dozens of calls I got, there wasn’t one was in favor of what the BLM did, both in the way they interpreted the regulations or for taking the day off…with pay. And the workers who got laid off because of these bird nesting regulations, they didn’t get paid. So what you’ve got are people, hard working people in the coal bed methane industry, people with bills to pay just like anybody else, being denied their livelihood by a group of unelected, paper shuffling bureaucrats who don’t care.

Frankly, I smell the stench of the environmental movement in all this. What other reason could it be? The environmental cases just want to shut down industry. The environment is not an issue. Theirs is a completely political agenda designed to inflict as much damage as possible to the nation’s economy. And their exercise of power is as autocratic and heavy handed as you can find.

And the real insult here comes in that they conveniently took the day off when they knew they’d have to face any organized disagreement to their edict over these birds. Okay, what about the environment? Have there been any environmental crises in the past? Surely, we would have heard about it. The environmental cases aren’t exactly the kind who keep mum if there’s a crisis.

But since there wasn’t one, they had to act unilaterally and shut down the coal bed methane industry without a reason. After all, they’re the government and government doesn’t need a reason. They just do it. Just ask their partners in destruction, the EPA, the environmental political agenda. Tomorrow morning, we’ll continue exposing this environmentalist brute force power play on the Steve Norris Show between 6 and 10.

And I hope you people who think government is the answer to society’s problems are beginning to have second thoughts.

Earlier today when I was looking through news stories to prepare for our three-minute segment in the afternoon, I had a ton of stories about global warming. The problem was that we’ve done most of them on the morning show here on KIML. But then I ran across this one. Folks, if you had any doubt that the environmental fruit cakes were a bunch of space cadets, this should put those doubts to rest.

There’s a man in Canada by the name of Paul Hellyer. He’s 83 years old now and back in the early ‘60’s he was Canada’s defense minister. But he’s surfaced again in the news with the most unusual way yet to combat this global warming, which is falling in depths measured in feet around the country. He’s demanding—not asking, demanding—that governments worldwide use the secret space alien technology they’ve gotten from crashed UFO’s to combat global warming.

He says, “I would like to see what alien technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels and save our planet. He says this alien technology could offer humanity alternatives to fossil fuels and points to the supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 as the perfect example of technology governments have gotten from UFO’s and are hoarding in underground laboratories just like in Independence Day.

He says, “We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know and it might be enough to save our planet if it’s applied quickly enough. ” Mr. Hellyer wants governments to go where no man has gone before and spill the beans—no, wait, that was a bad choice of words because beans produce flatulence and that only adds to the greenhouse gases. Cattle have proven that.

He wants governments to share in this highly advanced technology of these beings from somewhere else in the universe to reduce global warming. Oh, after Mr. Hellyer’s years of service to the Canadian government, he said publicly two years ago that he saw a UFO. Somebody get Art Bell on the phone. Tell him we’ve got a guest for him. This is right up his alley. Well, that’s the latest from a highly qualified scientist on how to solve the global warming situation. You get the governments of the world to divulge the secrets they’ve found in crashed UFO’s and that’ll solve the problem.

Uh, beam me up, Scotty, there’s no intelligent life here.